Finals

Seeing as it is finals for most people, it only makes sense that we should take a moment to recognize the pièce de résistance of a true bro. I'm sure most people have already seen this but it never ceases to amaze, motivate, and most importantly distract me. This brave soul does what most of us lack the creativity or testicular fortitude to do. Enjoy.

Oh and I know it probably isn't real but who cares?

Let's Be Real Here

Christopher McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp, can teach everyone something about the way the world works. A 23 year old college graduate, infused with a sense of escape and disgust, flees every conceivable 20th century invention ensuring his existence, and embarks on a spiritual pilgrimage to be lost in the wild.

The 2007 film Into the Wild by Sean Penn, with Emile Hersch playing Chris, is a beautiful rendition of a largely true story. The film springs from a 1996 book by Jon Krakauer of the same title that I have yet to read.

As A.O Scott of the New York Times describes the film:

The story begins with an unhappy family, proceeds through a series of encounters with the lonely and the lost, and ends in a senseless, premature death. But though the film’s structure may be tragic, its spirit is anything but. It is infused with an expansive, almost giddy sense of possibility, and it communicates a pure, unaffected delight in open spaces, fresh air and bright sunshine.

The film's cinematography sets out to encourage this simple aesthetic beauty Chris saw in everything. Stocked with memorable quotes, the movie strays from the typical hallmark feel-good story when the protagonist ventures into the depths only to return a changed man. The alternate story structure suggests forgiveness, and has a huge underlying emphasis on the importance of human relationship. Chris, who denounces the joy found in relationships, is a naturally sociable person and each chapter of his life is marked by the things he learns in his footloose relationships.

All things bro aside, Chris McCandless stood to become a literary force to be reckoned with and understood more about natural human reason than anyone. Chris' story has thankfully been shared due to the immense help from the entire McCandless family. In my opinion, one of the most poignant stories of release, freedom, and understanding to ever occur.

The real Chris McCandless (circa Spring 1992)

Two years years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, 'cause "the West is the best." And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.

- Alexander Supertramp May 1992

Weekly Bro-port

I'm trying out this whole blog participation thing again.... pretty exciting.

Brotest (v.): The act of protesting anything that is not bro, or aims to destroy that which is bro.

Bro #1: "Did you hear they are trying to ban wearing lax pinnies to class?!"
Bro #2: "Oh shit, we need to brotest that!"

Bro quote:

“Broness is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.”

Now 48: Bro-Jams

This guy is chill. We all could learn a lesson from him.

Pitchfork Gets it Right (for once..)

Kanye West loves that people love him. I mean after all, he is the voice of a generation, a lyrical wordsmith, and a gayfish. In all seriousness though, 808s & Heartbreak sucked. Like it was bad. Thankfully he has taken a step in a right direction.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is actually.. really really good. Like really good. For god sakes Rolling Stone gave it 10 out of 10. Kanye (or Yeezy apparently) dropped most (not all) of that shitty auto-tune he was all about in 808s and just made 13 solid tracks.

Even Pitchfork music, the PBR-drinking fixie-riding pompous narwals, gave it a 10.0. They say the album is perfect. Pitchfork's Rob Sheffield doesn't avoid the stereotypes Kanye's earned himself up to this point:

On Twisted Fantasy, Kanye is crazy enough to truly believe he's the greatest out there. And, about a decade into his career, the hardworking perfectionist has gained the talent on the mic and in the control room to make a startlingly strong case for just that.

Maybe, just maybe. No doubt a few of these tracks will come to replace some of the horribly overplayed singles from Eminem's Recovery. In my eyes, Em secured his spot as the most competent artist with his most recent, but every single Top-40 station across the nation has managed to beat a dead horse playing No Love, Not Afraid, and Love the Way You Lie steadily since July.

Kayne has fashioned his own niche, capitalizing on the more recent hip-hop idea of avoiding cookie-cutter song structure and composition. Still riddled with sampling and synth, I think his rightly-placed sequel to Graduation (yes, let's treat 808s like a bad case of the chicken pox, never again) is hitting all the right chords. A bit like Cudi's Man on the Moon I I dare say.

See for yourself, this is a quick favorite showing Yeezy (Lemme take this moment to note I hate that he calls himself Yeezy now. Not just because Dwayne Carter pretty much owns those rights, but because it's Kanye as in Kahn-yay. Voice of a generation, lyrical wordsmith.) going for the new dark, heavy, sound. And NAILING it.

Monster [feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver] by FoxtrotSport

Special shout out to Nicki Minaj, who with her "They say Nicki you the bestest/I just be comin' off the top, asbestos" line had pretty much earned her spot with brokeNCYDE and Justin Bieber for worst artists known to man in my mind. She just might have what it takes.

Weekly Bro-port

Let's call this the Weekly (read: bi-monthly) Bro-port. Excuse the Thanksgiving hiatus. Don't worry, it was well spent. And that's all you need to know.

Mashed Brotatoes (n.): Any comfort food commonly found in campus dining facilities, gas station convenience stores, or on Mom's table when visiting home. Bros love mashed potatoes.

"Man, I'm out of meal passes, looks like I'm runnin' on mashed brotatoes for the rest of the week."

Your bro quote of the week:

"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for broversity."

John F. Kennedy

Broxemplar

Look and learn bros-in-training.

420, bro. It's chill. Ignore the shameless self-advertisement for the blog.

Extreme

Bros love extreme. Pushing the limit, combining needlessly dangerous things. If you can not only die, but die violently hurtling through the air, it's probably pretty damn extreme.

Back in 2007 Matchstick Productions put out a ski movie Seven Sunny Days, with a segment on Shane McConkey's (R.I.P, no surprise there) wingsuit-ski-base-jumping. He thought of the idea of skiing off a cliff, doing a few flips, throwing off his skis, flying in a wingsuit, and parachuting down all in the same extreme stunt. No less, he tragically passed away doing such things a year or two ago.

Needless to say it was pretty chill. Go ahead and watch the rest of that movie too, TJ Schiller and Colby West do the best follow cam business I have ever seen.

However, I think may have found a better alternative. Why jump off the mountain and ditch the skis, when you could just deploy the parachute and float from ski slope to ski slope. Oh right, hurtling at 150mph between cliffs. These guys are insane.

So chill.

Teach me how to Doodle

They be like smoove (what?)
Can u teach me how to doodle?
You know why?
Cause all da bitches love me.

As some of you may recall.... a while ago Ryan posted what he considered to be the "high score" in Doodle Jump. But as of today, his reign is no more. There is a new sheriff in town.

Weekly Bro-port

Busy week, sorry for slow updates. I mean it snowed here for crying out loud. For half of 2bros1blog thats big news (here's a hint, it's this half). Anyways onto your required knowledge:

Bilbro Baggins (n.): Pull out an epic journey (carry a keg of Natty +2 miles, multiple slampieces at once, or snowboard and surf in the same day, all acceptable brojourneys), come back and write an epic about it, and you're a Bilbro Baggins.

"That party last night was awfully crazy, remember Jason did 10 kegstands? He texted me this morning, talk about a Bilbro Baggins."

And for the bro-quote (completely unaltered this time, I swear)

Mark Twain was chill.

So again, sorry for the lack of content, we'll make up for it. Starting.... now. Watch this, fullscreen 720p. Mind: blown?

Weekly Bro-port

Better late than never, this week's bro-port is in lieu of recent events in the wide world of sports.

San Franciscbro (n.): A bro with his beginnings rooted in the windy, foggy, kinda smelly bazaar by the bay known as San Francisco. See also: San Diegbro, Santa Barbro

"Bitches and hoes may break my bones, but bros will never hurt me."

Stay chill.

May I See Some Identification?

Getting your license is pretty chill. Enough of that "hey mom, let's go cruise" stuff you had with your permit, you're stepping up to the plate now. Get that picture taken, take that test where you turn right 15 times and left 15 time and stop at a bunch of stop signs. And finally you get that second piece of paper (2 week wait for the license to be mailed..) and freedom is at your fingertips. Between the hours of 5am and 11pm.

Anyways, Idaho takes it a step further.

Wait, can we see that again? A little closer, please?

Oh yes. Before you take out your license to check your chillness, odds are it says BRN instead. California does. But Idaho, the potato state or whatever it is, knows what's up. Official bro-shout-out of the week going out to Idaho and the spud government.

Stay chill.

Bro Gospel

Cruise through any urban center, college campus, or lax pitch and odds are you'll hear Kid Cudi. His first album Man on the Moon: The End of Day, his blown up mixtape A Kid Named Cudi, and the multitudes of his appearances on other artists' tracks have already earned him a special niche spot in hip-hop.

Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager

Needless to say he has a lot to live up to with his sophomore album Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager. In interviews Cudi has said he meant to make the album more upbeat and floaty, but if anything I'd say its darker and more moody than his first. You be the judge. Album hits retail November 9th, 2010.

Kid Cudi - Don't Play This Song

World Series Champs

Well, the Giants have done it. They really have. World Series Champions, the best team in baseball, in the world. Pretty convincingly too, over in 5 games with a big final win in Arlington to cap it off last night. Despite the one-sided fanaticism we have going between Ben and I, I'd say it's still safe to say that 2bros1blog unofficially endorses the San Francisco Giants. It's not everyday your team wins it all.

Andrew Baggarly says it best in his season long (and now season ending) blog about the cast-offs and misfits, who just conquered Major League Baseball.

"The Giants did it tonight. They really did.

They were prohibitive underdogs to the Texas Rangers, but after winning four out of five in convincing fashion, you had to wonder where the analysts all went wrong. Because there was little doubt which was the better team.

Josh Hamilton was 2 for 20 with one RBI and one homer; Vladimir Guerrero was 1 for 14 with two RBI.

What do they say about good pitching vs. good hitting? Yep. Still rings true.

I’m not sure if tonight’s accomplishment has sunk in with the players, coaches, executives, scouts, front-office personnel and clubhouse people. I’m not sure it’s hit me, either, and they pay me to provide perspective on stuff like this."

You can check the rest of the post and blog at http://blogs.mercurynews.com/extrabaggs/

Well put my man, well put. A tip of the hat to Bruce Bochy, Tim Lincecum, and Edgar Renteria finally picking up that World Series MVP. Its been a long 13 years since his last World Series championship. In fact, last night was Renteria's second game winning, world-series clenching RBI.

2010 Champs

The beard has been feared.

Don't Stop Believin'

The highlight of Jack's Valley was singing Don't Stop Believin in the showers on the last night. With multitudes of other naked men. It was brotastic. I gotta say this out does it by a long shot.

The setting is Game 2 last night of the World Series, Giants against Rangers. Middle of the 8th inning (right before the Giants went off on the Rangers bullpen). Don't Stop Believin over the speakers in the park, and none other than Steve Perry, Journey's lead singer, stands up to lead the crowd in sing-a-long-song.

Worth the $500 ticket price in the upper sections? Probably. From a true Giants fan, Steve Perry is the man. Honorary Bro of the week.

Fear the Beard.

Weekly Bro-port

It's that time of the week again! The moment you have all been waiting for.

Neighbrohood (n.): The concentrated congregation of many bros in a regional area; it is characterized by loud parties, fine ladies, and... bros.

Example:

Bro #1: "Hey dude this shit is getting pretty lame. You wanna find some girls and head on back to the neighbrohood?"

Bro #2: "Ya man, that's CHILL."

Broquote:

"Some men are born bro, some achieve broness, and some have broness thrust upon them."

Until next time, stay chill.

Throne of Victory

So there I was (inverted, of course) taking my place on my throne, taking the Browns to the Superbowl, dropping off a load, (read: pooping). Obviously next move is pull out the iPhone, and set off Doodle Jumping.

High score. No big deal.

News-worthy? Well considering the biggest news item yesterday was Ozzy Osbourne's lineage ("...and recent drug tests on Ozzy Osbourne's blood samples have come back.... Positive!"), I'd say it just might be.

The Bro Bible

Stories of excessive alcohol abuse, promiscuous sexual activities with multiple partners, and brofessional douchebro-ery?. All in one convenient, caps-lock ridden, poorly edited, New York Times Best-Seller? Well needless to say ladies and gents, we have found our bible.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max, self-proclaimed (and now critically acclaimed) douchebag, is a quasi-autobiography recounting the best and the worst of an emerging adulthood characterized by nothing other than the essence of bro.

I read it understanding it has an underground reputation of being on the required reading list for today's college freshmen. Well obviously the situation is different, but I digress. I'd put it on the same list. Other reviewers aren't so smitten.

"A cluster of stories about an overgrown frat boy whose only recreational activities are getting drunk, insulting people and having anonymous and often degrading sex, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell doesn't know what it wants to be. It clearly is tangentially related to the "don't be like this guy" comedy of Seth McFarlane, Seth Rogen, et al, but also has millions of adoring frat boy fans who find Max' misogynistic alcoholic scumbag to be a positive role model."

- Robert L. Field, 2009

Either way it's worth a read, no matter which end of the boat you're on. I mean hey, even Tucker himself reminds readers:

"...I am an asshole, I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world."

I recommend "Tucker Goes to Vegas", pg 72.

Stay chill.

Weekly Bro-port

Time for this week's lesson.

Mount Brolympus (n.): Elevated sanctuary of the bro-deities; the place where immortal bros lounge around on their bro-throne controlling their bromain.

e.g: "Damn, kept both your collars popped through the whole keg-stand. That kind of power should be up on Mount Brolympus."

"Among those who dislike broppression are many who like to broppress."

- Napoleon Bronaparte

Stay chill.

Baseball, Tits, and Fireworks

It's rare that you come across a true token of patriotism. Whether it's a "Kick their ass, take their gas" bumper sticker on a F-350 Super Duty Hemi, or a good 'ol American mullet, these novelties are unfortunately few and far between.

This specimen was unveiled at a recent Ultimate tournament, and may just top the former examples. Without further ado, I present:

Ol' Glory: America's Best Energy Drink.

Complete with proper convenience store bargain of 99 cents, encompassing american flag print, and Army National Guard recruiting number around the top. Not to mention, just in case you forget, the Pledge of Allegiance. (notice the emphasis on UNDER GOD)

Needless to say, it tasted like baseball, tits, and fireworks. It was chill(ed).

Quick Update

It's been a few days since our last post and I would like to apologize to our loyal fans for that. I realize you may have felt yourself sinking into a sort of depression/withdrawal, but everything is going to be ok. Just take a few deep breaths and let this tide you over until Thursday when we release our next bro-port.

First... we had an ultimate frisbee playoff game today. We won, no big deal. But more importantly, when told by an upperclassman to score a touchdown, I replied with "Broceeding, sir." It was chill.

Even more important and amazing than that, however, is what happened after the game. While making our way back to the hill we decided to have a little contest. We each grabbed a random golf ball off the ground and stood around 25 yds from the soccer goal. Ryan went first, successfully hitting the crossbar. While he was busy celebrating what he thought was a victory, I came up clutch and hit it too. It was super chill. We even did a bro fist bump to celebrate.

But anyways... now we are in the semifinals for ultimate and starting this week will be posting our genius more often. Stay tuned.

Weekly Bro-port

"The most important thing I learned is that soldiers listen to what their leaders say. You can give them classes and lecture them forever, but it is your personal brocabulary they will follow." - General Colin L. Powell (an obvious bro)

With this in mind, we have decided to write a "Weekly Bro-port". This will include a bro "word of the week", a bro "quote of the week" (both of which will be on the following week's k-test), and a recap of all things bro from the week before.

Lo and behold, we will kick it off with the basics.

Bromo Sapien (n.): The latin genus and species in which you find your common bro. He lays the groundwork for all things bro. (See also: lax pinny, natty light)

“I got a tan of my name and lax number on my back, so I can be on the skins team, and babes still know who I am.”

Stay chill.

Salutations, Introductions

Hello, bonjour, おはよう　ございます, guten tag, γεια σου, malo, etc. etc. Welcome to Day 1, seat belts fastened and tray tables returned to their normal position, seats upright and locked.

What you will find to follow are important facts, artistic fiction, absurdities, normalities, witty comments, stone serious demands, and everything in between. Anything interesting, with a tangy twist of Falcon love sprinkled here and there.

On behalf of Ben and I, we hope you enjoy, stay tuned.

Thanks for flying.