Wednesday, April 20, 2011

420, Brah

Merry 420 across the land! Everyone's favorite celebration of Bob Marley's Birthday, the police code for marijuana, Amsterdam's pot smoking tea time, the number of chemicals in marijuana, weed for no real reason.

How does the 20th of April come into play at 2bros1blog? Because bros fucking love weed. It has all the bro bases covered. While most bros could put up a distinguished argument as to why it should be legalized, it's illegal, which makes them rebels, and slampieces love that shit. Bros most likely (definitely) know more about weed than you. They know where they got it, what the best strain is, the best ways to smoke it, and how it totally helps you focus when you're counting on that big study session (focus on angry birds, maybe). Bros will proudly let you know that a big (no, the biggest. more on that later) bowl of sticky icky fits perfectly between natty lights and their little brother's Adderall.

CUBoulder holds a 10,000 person event on 420, with last year's pictured below. Apparently, the University's chancellor sent all students an email saying participation in the event will debase their degree and university. They didn't care, and that's chill.

So how do you, the average everyday bro-in-training celebrate 420 in true bro form? Well first, don't smoke weed to make activities more enjoyable or make music sound better or any of that hippy bullshit. Bros smoke weed for one reason: to get fucked up.

Here is where the biggest bowl comes into play. Just like the 3 Four Lokos, full 30-rack of Natty, and 3/4s of a 5th of Bacardi the bro pounded in one night, weed is an opportunity for accomplishment. The more weed you can smoke and still be coherent, the better. Especially when it's the stankiest dankiest green goblin this side of the Mississippi.

Now that you've indulged on a whole damn fiesta bowl of mary jane, what's next? Only bros' favorite stoner flicks! Half baked, Harold & Kumar, and Pineapple Express. Anything easy to quote, filled with wacky antics, and just stupid enough to be funny. Eat some pizza rolls, and fall asleep by 9:30, in true style.

So happy birthday Hitler (that one's for real), and in between half pound joints and homemade gravity bongs, remember why bros love weed: because it's fucking chill, bro.

In it's simplest terms, 4/20 is actually

*puts on sunglasses*



Friday, April 15, 2011

Super Smash Bros

Let's get back to what is really important. No, I'm not talking about the lax pinnies, natty lights, or slam pieces. What I'm talking about is the quintessence of our brolosophy on life. Just straight kickin' it with your boys.

You're probably thinking now, "Well shit... how do I do that?". Unfortunately, there isn't one simple answer to this question. But hey, if it were simple then everyone would be awesome like us. Don't worry though, there is hope.

The best place to start your search for true broness would be in the realm that girls have yet to infringe upon, video games. It has everything a bro could need. And what better game is there to play than Super Smash Bros? Those of you that have played it understand, and for those of you that haven't... your life sucks.

This video here is an example of what happens when two obvious bros 1) Sit down to play some Super Smash Bros 2) Both select to be the biggest bro in the game and 3) Use the same bro move at the exact same time. Enjoy.

Monday, April 11, 2011

College Life Yo

So there's this mysterious land of Four Loko's, Sperry boat shoes, and knock-off colorful Wayfarer's known as college. It is a four year exhibition of the ultimate in bro: Natty Light, Grape Swishers, Rainbows, and everything named above. In fact, you could say high school graduation is a commencement ceremony, especially for those with their hair flow waving out from under their motorboard, and their eBay-purchased Oakley Frogskins perched above their forehead.

USC wants to be the school you're thinking of with that description (read: the freshmen and sophomore students want USC to be that school). There's a damn facebook group trying to put them on top of the Playboy top Party schools. The same list CUBoulder paid to get off of. This is on top of USC's reputation as the University of Spoiled Children (on-campus tuition is $41,000 after all). Student loan breeding grounds.

Now, the students at USC don't get their bro reputation by sitting around being lame. No, they work hard. And what better way to show how bro they can be than by making a cheap knockoff of the MTV show Cribs, centered around the chillest bro on campus?

It worked.

Now, I hope you took good notes. Sure his bro pad is nice, but it definitely could have at least used a few more bottles of Grey Goose.

Did you notice the sunglasses on inside? Remember this and write it down: the sun never sets on a badass. Being chill is an outdoor and indoor activity.

What about my favorite quote? "There will be times when there's girls coming out of each and every room, at the same time in the morning, and they all see each other and don't know what to say, and they take the walk of shame home together."

Or maybe this one? "...And this is where the magic happens as they say. And the magic does happen, lemme tell ya. On the bed, on the floor, on the couch... everywhere."

Wow. He really has all the bases covered.

So hats off to you, random USC Van Wilder in training. Your bro pad is chill, and your flow is properly styled. Keep downing that Goose and wearing your flossy gold chain.