Thursday, May 26, 2011

Even Neater

So as you might remember, a few months ago Lenny Pepperbottom introduced us to how neat nature can really be in Neature Walk: Episode One. What a swell guy, sharing the knowledge, instead of just he and Rodney knowing it.

Short story shorter, there's more episodes. It's a bear I think.

How neat is that?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

420, Brah

Merry 420 across the land! Everyone's favorite celebration of Bob Marley's Birthday, the police code for marijuana, Amsterdam's pot smoking tea time, the number of chemicals in marijuana, weed for no real reason.

How does the 20th of April come into play at 2bros1blog? Because bros fucking love weed. It has all the bro bases covered. While most bros could put up a distinguished argument as to why it should be legalized, it's illegal, which makes them rebels, and slampieces love that shit. Bros most likely (definitely) know more about weed than you. They know where they got it, what the best strain is, the best ways to smoke it, and how it totally helps you focus when you're counting on that big study session (focus on angry birds, maybe). Bros will proudly let you know that a big (no, the biggest. more on that later) bowl of sticky icky fits perfectly between natty lights and their little brother's Adderall.

CUBoulder holds a 10,000 person event on 420, with last year's pictured below. Apparently, the University's chancellor sent all students an email saying participation in the event will debase their degree and university. They didn't care, and that's chill.

So how do you, the average everyday bro-in-training celebrate 420 in true bro form? Well first, don't smoke weed to make activities more enjoyable or make music sound better or any of that hippy bullshit. Bros smoke weed for one reason: to get fucked up.

Here is where the biggest bowl comes into play. Just like the 3 Four Lokos, full 30-rack of Natty, and 3/4s of a 5th of Bacardi the bro pounded in one night, weed is an opportunity for accomplishment. The more weed you can smoke and still be coherent, the better. Especially when it's the stankiest dankiest green goblin this side of the Mississippi.

Now that you've indulged on a whole damn fiesta bowl of mary jane, what's next? Only bros' favorite stoner flicks! Half baked, Harold & Kumar, and Pineapple Express. Anything easy to quote, filled with wacky antics, and just stupid enough to be funny. Eat some pizza rolls, and fall asleep by 9:30, in true style.

So happy birthday Hitler (that one's for real), and in between half pound joints and homemade gravity bongs, remember why bros love weed: because it's fucking chill, bro.

In it's simplest terms, 4/20 is actually

*puts on sunglasses*



Friday, April 15, 2011

Super Smash Bros

Let's get back to what is really important. No, I'm not talking about the lax pinnies, natty lights, or slam pieces. What I'm talking about is the quintessence of our brolosophy on life. Just straight kickin' it with your boys.

You're probably thinking now, "Well shit... how do I do that?". Unfortunately, there isn't one simple answer to this question. But hey, if it were simple then everyone would be awesome like us. Don't worry though, there is hope.

The best place to start your search for true broness would be in the realm that girls have yet to infringe upon, video games. It has everything a bro could need. And what better game is there to play than Super Smash Bros? Those of you that have played it understand, and for those of you that haven't... your life sucks.

This video here is an example of what happens when two obvious bros 1) Sit down to play some Super Smash Bros 2) Both select to be the biggest bro in the game and 3) Use the same bro move at the exact same time. Enjoy.

Monday, April 11, 2011

College Life Yo

So there's this mysterious land of Four Loko's, Sperry boat shoes, and knock-off colorful Wayfarer's known as college. It is a four year exhibition of the ultimate in bro: Natty Light, Grape Swishers, Rainbows, and everything named above. In fact, you could say high school graduation is a commencement ceremony, especially for those with their hair flow waving out from under their motorboard, and their eBay-purchased Oakley Frogskins perched above their forehead.

USC wants to be the school you're thinking of with that description (read: the freshmen and sophomore students want USC to be that school). There's a damn facebook group trying to put them on top of the Playboy top Party schools. The same list CUBoulder paid to get off of. This is on top of USC's reputation as the University of Spoiled Children (on-campus tuition is $41,000 after all). Student loan breeding grounds.

Now, the students at USC don't get their bro reputation by sitting around being lame. No, they work hard. And what better way to show how bro they can be than by making a cheap knockoff of the MTV show Cribs, centered around the chillest bro on campus?

It worked.

Now, I hope you took good notes. Sure his bro pad is nice, but it definitely could have at least used a few more bottles of Grey Goose.

Did you notice the sunglasses on inside? Remember this and write it down: the sun never sets on a badass. Being chill is an outdoor and indoor activity.

What about my favorite quote? "There will be times when there's girls coming out of each and every room, at the same time in the morning, and they all see each other and don't know what to say, and they take the walk of shame home together."

Or maybe this one? "...And this is where the magic happens as they say. And the magic does happen, lemme tell ya. On the bed, on the floor, on the couch... everywhere."

Wow. He really has all the bases covered.

So hats off to you, random USC Van Wilder in training. Your bro pad is chill, and your flow is properly styled. Keep downing that Goose and wearing your flossy gold chain.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Return to the Roots: The Ten Brommandments

I'd like to welcome myself back to the internet, because alright, it's been a hot minute. I've been busy spending a week upholding the fine standards of bro-ism so painstakingly crafted here at 2bros1blog (also known as spring break).

In return, it's only fitting that I bust back into this bad jackson with the most well crafted masterpiece the blogosphere has ever seen? In the words of a great man, .. naw dat ain't me.

However, I do feel that there's been too much "here check this youtube video I didn't make" and "this isn't bro but it's cool I guess". I mean come on, this is 2bros1blog after all. We have to stand by certain foundational principles like Natty Light, Sperrys, and free internet porn. Atticus Finch would have it no other way. Alas, we have come to a revelation. We here at 2bros1blog feel like a mythical phoenix, burst into flames (read: sunburnt from spring break), only to rise from the ashes a new and improved machine.

In doing so, I give you the ultimate in Bro-Code. The epitome of Man Law. The quintessence of manhood. The foundation upon which our blog exists, and the creed of frat brothers and cubicle dwelling weekend warriors alike.

The Ten Brommandments

1. Broism be thy creed, and Charlie Sheen be thy lord.
2. Do not use the word bro in vain.
3. Remember the time with the bros, and keep it bro.
4. Honor thy bros.
5. Thou shalt not kill (another bro's beer).
6. Thou shalt throw for booze and munchies.
7. Thou shalt not cockblock.
8. Thou shalt never nark on a fellow bro.
9. Thou shalt never put hoes before bros.
10. Stay chill, bro.

So there you have it. Remember the basics and keep it trill. Peace bros.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Thank You Based God!

So there's this guy named Lil B. He is Bill Clinton, Miley Cyrus, and bitches are on his dick because he looks like Jesus. He raps about cat care and back pain. About black liberation and becoming Jesus. About cooking (specifically how to dance your way to Master Chef-dom), and about brring-ding-ding-ing your girlfriend. He is the Based God.

Actually, his name is Brandon McCartney, aka Lil B, aka the Based God. He is 21 years old and was a member of now-defunct high-school hyphy movement rap group The Pack. He has since released anywhere between 700 and 3,000 solo tracks on hundreds of MySpace pages and Youtube accounts.

His rap style is unique. Harsh, Lil Wayne-esque croaks that rarely rhyme, are usually out of time, and generally clash with the backing tracks. He capitalizes more off repeating a phrase until it's catchy (see: Ellen Degeneres below) than actual metaphor and stylistic lyrics.

Unsurprisingly, critics are having mixed feelings on the Based revolution we are standing at the helm of. He has been heralded by the New York Times as "a folk hero of the rap subculture" and by Vice Magazine as the most revolutionary MC of the past 15 years". Really, I kid you not.

Even NPR's Andrew Noz had an extremely open mind about TheBasedGod:

"He gleefully tears down the remaining tenets of hip-hop conservatism, illuminating the growing generation gap in a genre that is approaching its fourth decade of existence. Many of Lil B's listeners are the children of the children who grew up on NWA's rebellion, so they invert it. This new generation wears obtrusively skinny pants as a logical counterpoint to their parent's oversized baggy jeans. On record, Lil B proudly calls himself "a princess" and "a f*****" as a flip side to the hyper-masculinity and lingering homophobia of the past generation."

So why the reviews? What is Brandon McCartney doing right that is selling out shows across the nation that other MCs apparently have failed to grasp? Anything he god damn wants. He fills a niche in the rap subculture that is appealing to the masses at the granular level. A constant flow of tweets and Youtube posts make him accessible to his fanbase like no other artist.

He has created a Based style, or movement for that matter, revolving around saying what you feel and living in the moment. Lil B describes, "Being based means [being] positive, doing what you want to do, not caring and just being yourself."

It's sickly beautiful in a way. For a rapper who clearly has talent in his "Vans" and "Shinin'" days with the Pack (when he was only 17, at that) he seems off-putting as a rapper who has the ability to rap but appears to instead prefer Based Freestyle opposed to rhyme and meter. In the technical aspects of rap, he is terrible. Rhyming rarely, and often using the same structural composition of lines song after song after song.

But again, that's the beauty of it. What rapper has gone so far as to anger not only soccer moms and metal heads (Eminem, NWA), but the purists within the rap underground as well? Here enters Lil B's connections to a rap rebel, a pied piper, and a folk hero. While his songs range from light-hearted cooking music to vulgar sexism, his intentions are playful. Hell, he even wrote a book Takin' Over By Imposing the Positive!.

Critics will continue to scratch their heads at his ability to sell out shows and get hundreds of thousands of people to do the cooking dances. Lil B will continue his constant twitter stream, and will continue to rap over everything from Andra Bocelli to Imogen Heap. All we can do is sit back and watch as what is revolution and rebellion in its purest form today take over.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Bro, It Will Work

So when there's no waves, make your own. I didn't think it would work either.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Literature Review

It's definitely about time we here at 2bros1blog took a chance to recognize the finer things in life. An expensive cuban cigar, a smooth glass of scotch, the first cut into a fresh piece of construction paper. Sometimes there's more to life than pounding natty's and slampieces (sometimes..), and often this advanced introspection can be found in the vast world of literature.

You all probably (definitely) have read To Kill a Mockingbird in high school (or middle school). While you were reading such a book thoughts most likely came to your mind such as "Why does Scout have a boy's name?" and "Why does Boo Radley have such a shut-in closet porn addiction?". This look at the finer things instead wishes to turn your attention to the character of Atticus Finch.

Atticus is a bad ass. He isn't scared of Mr. Ewell's drunken rages and has the cajones to protect his children, even when they're wearing silly theater costumes. Atticus deals narcotics on the side, pounds multiple Colt 45s a day, and has other various Ambitionz as a Ridah.

Take a moment to let that sink in, and see this artistic interpretation of our man, Atticus Finch.

The man, the myth, the legend.

Honorary bro of the week (and of middle school English classes), Atticus Finch.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Boom in yo face

Just wanted to give a shout to Chance Noffsinger, Danner Pickering, and Alex Hinderman who threw down with us at Sierra-at-Tahoe in December. Chance is stepping it up in the edits and Danner has his layout backies on lock. It's chill.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Why I'm Rooting for the Packers

Do I give a rat's ass about the Green Bay Packers or the Pittsburgh Steelers? No. Nor should you. The 2011 playoffs became officially un-bro after the Pats lost (reason: Tom Brady's chill flow), and Rothlisberger tried out the whole rapist thing.

But why should you root for the Packers in two weeks at the next Superbowl? Because Aaron Rodgers is a bro. He managed to photobomb every Packers team captain picture since he's been on the team. Of course.. he's actually a captain now, but this is quite the streak for a then-new Cal quarterback.

Well done, Aaron. Also he's from Chico, California, and that's chill.