Monday, April 11, 2011

College Life Yo

So there's this mysterious land of Four Loko's, Sperry boat shoes, and knock-off colorful Wayfarer's known as college. It is a four year exhibition of the ultimate in bro: Natty Light, Grape Swishers, Rainbows, and everything named above. In fact, you could say high school graduation is a commencement ceremony, especially for those with their hair flow waving out from under their motorboard, and their eBay-purchased Oakley Frogskins perched above their forehead.

USC wants to be the school you're thinking of with that description (read: the freshmen and sophomore students want USC to be that school). There's a damn facebook group trying to put them on top of the Playboy top Party schools. The same list CUBoulder paid to get off of. This is on top of USC's reputation as the University of Spoiled Children (on-campus tuition is $41,000 after all). Student loan breeding grounds.

Now, the students at USC don't get their bro reputation by sitting around being lame. No, they work hard. And what better way to show how bro they can be than by making a cheap knockoff of the MTV show Cribs, centered around the chillest bro on campus?

It worked.

Now, I hope you took good notes. Sure his bro pad is nice, but it definitely could have at least used a few more bottles of Grey Goose.

Did you notice the sunglasses on inside? Remember this and write it down: the sun never sets on a badass. Being chill is an outdoor and indoor activity.

What about my favorite quote? "There will be times when there's girls coming out of each and every room, at the same time in the morning, and they all see each other and don't know what to say, and they take the walk of shame home together."

Or maybe this one? "...And this is where the magic happens as they say. And the magic does happen, lemme tell ya. On the bed, on the floor, on the couch... everywhere."

Wow. He really has all the bases covered.

So hats off to you, random USC Van Wilder in training. Your bro pad is chill, and your flow is properly styled. Keep downing that Goose and wearing your flossy gold chain.

1 comment:

  1. Uber-bro douche-faggot or not, I can't say I don't kind of want to be their fourth roommate. Sick pad for college.